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Local man upset baseball team sucks

Ron Fowler, 75, thinks 2019 Padres should have been ‘good’

Los Angeles Dodgers v San Diego Padres Photo by Donald Miralle/Getty Images

A fire occurred in the East Village area of downtown San Diego on Monday morning, after a local man set fire to a stage at a “Social Summit” event for the local Padres baseball team.
La Jolla’s Ron Fowler, 75, was seen dousing gasoline onto the hopes and dreams of those in attendance at the event, before flicking a Cuban cigar onto the highly combustible crowd. Those in attendance were overheard remarking that the cigar, before it collided into a bystander and began a social media firestorm, was definitely flicked with “panache”.

“It was bogus,” said Wiliam Myers, 29, a local budtender and occasional baseball player attending the event. “I usually don’t have to come to work until 4 or 5 pm on Mondays—and now they asked me to come in early for this schwag? Whaaaaack.”

Mr. Fowler was said by attendees to provide an expletive-laced tirade from his stool on-stage; one of his employees joining him on that stage, one Andrew James Preller, of Coronado, was said to be seen seated atop a fully operational Hibachi barbecue grill, which sources close to Gaslamp Ball confirmed was purchased by Mr. Fowler specially for the occasion. Halfway through Mr. Fowler’s speech, the retired beer magnate paused amidst a string of unprintable words to reach across and turn Mr. Preller’s Hibachi up to a setting of “7”.

There were conflicting reports on what exactly, constituted Mr. Fowler’s speech at the Social Summit, but most sources agreed that the Padres chairman seemed confused and disoriented throughout the event, even going so far as to say that he had expected the 2019 Padres baseball team to have been ‘good’. Video of the speech is scarce, but GLB has secured some on-the-scene footage of Mr. Fowler’s vitriol:

Local SDFD officials said the fire at the Social Summit was 99% contained as of Wednesday morning, although smoke has been sighted in and around the Petco Park premises, with large plumes being seen in the vicinity of Mr. Preller’s “general butt area”. No word has been given on the condition of Mr. Preller’s butt at this time.

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