Diamondbacks 20, Padres 5: Yes, you’re reading that right

Let’s start with the good news. Wil Myers hit three home runs tonight.

That is the extent of the good news.

The bad news is that Tyson Ross got utterly destroyed, as the Diamondbacks chased him after scoring eight runs in two innings. Kazuhisa Makita had an almost as bad relief outing, giving up seven runs over two frames. Makita can at least spread the blame around, as an error by Jose Pirela made two of those runs unearned.

Tyson was due to get rocked, and Makita’s not that great, you say. Surely there was some pitching worth speaking of. That’s cute, but no. Even Kirby Yates got shelled, giving up three runs while only retiring a single batter. Not one of the five Friars to take the mound escaped unscathed, and they combined to allow five home runs over eight innings.

You can’t even say the offense was good tonight, because despite Wil going yard three times, the Pads only managed a meager seven hits. Pirela hit a home run and a single, but that didn’t even balance out the damage caused by his error in the third inning. There is no silver lining on this cloud. The Padres played incredibly embarrassing baseball, and I hope Andy Green reenacted the shower scene from Bull Durham after the game.

The lollygaggers will play the Diamondbacks again tomorrow at 1:10 PM, but you’d have to pay me to watch.