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Cardinals 9, Padres 5: Thank god for Beerfest

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Alcohol was this game’s only saving grace.

St Louis Cardinals v San Diego Padres
This idiot was more interesting than the entire Padres roster.
Photo by Denis Poroy/Getty Images

Tonight was Beerfest at Petco Park, and Eric Lauer must have known. Because after he gave up his fourth home run in less than three innings of work, the only way to stay sane at Petco Park was to give in to gluttony. The rookie gave up six runs on seven hits and one walk while recording only seven outs. As if that wasn’t bad enough, his replacement was Bryan Mitchell, who Andy Green left suffering through the eighth inning, even after he allowed an additional three runs.

Admittedly, I was well and truly drunk by the time the Friars finally scored in the sixth inning, but the box score tells me A.J. Ellis brought Jose Pirela around with a double. They even got multiple runs across the plate in the seventh! With Travis Jankowski sitting on first, Pirela hit a two-out double. Franchy Cordero followed that up with his first triple of the season to make it look like the Pads were putting in an effort tonight.

Jankowski went yard to start the ninth and put the team perilously close to comeback range. Pirela notched his third hit and second double of the evening, and then moved to third when Cordero grounded out to shortstop. Our old friend Luke Gregerson balked while facing Christian Villanueva, putting the Friars within slam range. Luke argued with the umpires for a while, but didn’t draw an ejection, despite delaying the game about as long as the idiot on the field did earlier. After Gregerson returned to the mound, he struck out Villanueva to end the game.

Tyson Ross will start tomorrow’s game at 5:40 PM. I might have sobered up by then.