Today, in Peoria, Arizona, Dinelson Lamet’s genitals spontaneously caught fire, and when he ran screaming toward the dugout he was flattened and halved by the firetruck responding to the alert 9-1-1 call made by Padres bench coach Mark McGwire. Oh, the liberal media will tell you he left the game in the second inning with discomfort in his ball-slingin’ elbow, but you and I know the truth.
Oh, you scoff, but why can’t the fake news tell us more about this so-called “elbow injury”? Maybe because there isn’t one. Siri please find me that picture from that meme where the dude with the nice fade with a part is tapping his temple.
Rest in peace, Dinelson Lamet. Forever in our hearts.
(Seriously, though, I hope his elbow is okay)