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Scott Boras called the Padres “a volcano of hot talent-lava.”

Superagent Scott Boras decided to use some hyperbolic metaphor mastery to describe the Padres minor league talent and we’re all verkempt.

Lombok's Active Volcano Mount Rinjani Continues To Rumble Photo by Ulet Ifansasti/Getty Images

MLB superagent Scott Boras is known to use metaphors as hyperbole, but every once in a while his poetic prose nails a topic right on its head. Today, during the press conference where the Padres introduced Eric Hosmer, he unleashed the best description of the Padres organization that we’ve ever heard. Take a listen for yourself:

For those of you who can’t listen to the audio right now, here’s the gravy:

“It’s a volcano of hot talent-lava.”

“To turn that lava into major league rock, that’s a hard thing to do. … What Eric Hosmer brings, he went through all that in Kansas City. They turned into championship rocks. When you can have a young, veteran champion, I think your chances of guiding lava into rocks is pretty good. I think that’s the destiny and the plan.”

50th Anniversary Of Mathmos Lava Lamps
I don’t think Scott Boras was talking about the kind of lava that can be found in a lamp.
Photo by Matt Cardy/Getty Images

I’m not a smoker, but I feel the need to light up after that. That was steamy in some kind of SABRotic way or something. We’re all excited by the kids working their way up through the minors, and the next wave is getting loose in Peoria right now, which is exciting enough. But when it’s presented in the context of pyroclastic plumes and magma and tectonic fissures and stuff, it gets my mantle a-rumblin’ if you know what I mean.

For those of you who wonder where Mr. Boras comes up with this stuff, all you need to do is check out the “word wall” from @marcusSDTX’s kid’s classroom.