In light of recent, and indeed past historical, events wherein human umpires have not only been consistently inconsistent with their calling of the strike zone and judgement of moment to moment occurrences, but have also required several minutes and multi-city reviews to accurately count to the number three, Gaslamp Ball has officially come to the conclusion that all human umpires that are officiating Major League Baseball games must be replaced with robot umpire counterparts as quickly as mechanically and computationally possible. Moving at the speed of what is humanly possible is no longer fast enough.
Given that it is only a matter of time before umpires are replaced by superior robot counterparts, we believe that this formal transfer to superior counting and measuring technology would prove to be ultimately beneficial to not only baseball players and fans, but indeed to the human umpires themselves, effectively freeing themselves of one more knot that they have been burdened with within this mortal coil.
(While not officially part of the proclamation, Gaslamp Ball's recommendation is for the software architecture be built on an Apache Spark infrastructure, leveraging cloud based web services. The physical hardware components necessary for tracking events such as tag outs and the catching of balls cleanly on the fly be complimented with various near field technologies, existing multi-camera dimensionality tracking and Roombas strapped with GoPro cameras.)