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Carlos Quentin will try to play first base for the Padres because f_ck defense

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It's OK, because we're used to crazy sh_t this year.

Jake Roth-USA TODAY Sports

In 2014, if there was one thing the Padres knew how to do, it was play defense. By Defensive Runs Saved, the Padres ranked 4th in all of baseball behind the Cardinals, Reds and Orioles. Along with bright spots in right field and third base, the first base position, manned by Yonder Alonso, was a strong contributor to our overall ranking.

Over the past several years, if there was somebody on the Padres who was decidedly not known for his defense, it was Carlos Quentin. CQ has been among the worst defensive left fielders in all of baseball, as ranked again by defensive runs saved. Keep in mind that according to Bill James' defensive spectrum, left field should be one of the easiest positions to play. The only position easier to man defensively is first base.

And now, as reported by the UT and the Darren Smith show, Carlos Quentin is going to try his hand at some first base yo, because if you're going to give up all the runs in the outfield, you may as well try to give up as many runs as you can everywhere else too.

When you have national media describing your outfield defense as an impossible train wreck, then sliding your worst defensive outfielder into a position that he doesn't know how to play is something you just do, because why the f_ck not, doubter?

At this rate, I'm pretty sure I could score on the Padres. Not that I could hit any of our pitchers, but I fully expect to be able to go round the bases on a dropped third strike. Like just let me swing three times, watch Derek Norris drop that third strike swinging, let him pick it up, throw it down the line and cue the music...