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Current Padres' middle names

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Jake Roth-USA TODAY Sports

I was grasping at straws trying to think of a subject for a quiz earlier, and players' middle names crossed my mind. That would make for a horrible quiz, though, because players' middle names are something you rarely see in the first place, let alone commit to memory. However, it did seem like it'd be worthwhile to put together a list in case this happened to be interesting to even one other person. Since every roster I know of lists them by just the name they're commonly known by, I went to the 40-man roster on the team's official site and clicked through to every player's page one-by-one. I also looked up a few other guys who aren't on the 40-man, but were with the team earlier and are now in El Paso.

Before I got started, I quizzed myself informally in my trusty brainstorming sketch pad. I was able to get Amarista, Cashner, Gyorko, Kennedy and Venable, but Kennedy was low-hanging fruit since his nickname is IPK. Once I looked everyone up, there were a few others I felt like I should have remembered. What follows is the full list, and below that, a few additional thoughts.

  • Alexi Jose Amarista
  • Joaquin Antonio Benoit
  • Blaine Thomas Boyer
  • William Jennings Buckner
  • Andrew Burton Cashner
  • Brooks Litchfield Conrad
  • Christopher Anthony Denorfia
  • Robert Joseph Erlin
  • Reymond Louis Fuentes
  • Jacob Dwayne Goebbert
  • Jedd Lindon Gyorko
  • Jesse Allen Hahn
  • Chase Jordan Headley
  • Ryan Christopher Jackson
  • Joshua Michael Johnson
  • Casey Patrick Kelly
  • Ian Patrick Kennedy
  • Jason Dean Lane
  • Rymer Omar Liriano
  • Cory Robert Luebke
  • Cameron Keith Maybin
  • Thomas Anthony Medica
  • Troy Jamieson Patton
  • Jace Ryan Peterson
  • Kevin Robert Quackenbush
  • Carlos Jose Quentin
  • Donn Mitchell Roach
  • Tyson William Ross
  • Burch Taylor Smith
  • Garry Seth Smith
  • Timothy James Stauffer
  • Huston Lowell Street
  • Eric William Stults
  • Dale Scott Thayer
  • Alexander Jesus Torres
  • William Dion Venable
  • Nicholas James Vincent
  • Joseph Andrew Wieland

-Yonder Alonso, Everth Cabrera, Odrisamer Despaigne, Irving Falu, Yasmani Grandal, Rene Rivera, and Hector Ambriz are all like my sister Katie, in that none of them have a middle name.

-Six middle names are tied for the top spot with two each: William, Patrick, Jose, James, Robert, and, best of all, Anthony.

-Garry Smith is the only one who goes by his middle name. I think he made the right call.

-I don't know how I went all these years without noticing, or it registering, that Chase Headley's middle name is Jordan. That is just the sweater tied around the neck of an already-very prep-school name.

-Dale Thayer has the worst possible first-and-middle name combination. Dale Scott, Umpire: Never forgive, never forget.