Game Thread: 7/23/14, Padres @ Cubs

The Padres are in some seriously dark times. I can't see my hand in front of my face, it's so dark in here. If the Padres were turkey, they'd be the dark meat. Some prefer the dark meat, like myself. Dark times like these are when I thrive as a blogger. Look at this gold that's being spun from my fingers --

OMG! The games starting! I thought I had hours to pontificate in this Game Thread, but it turns out the game starts in like 3 minutes! OMG!