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Padres beat Rockies or whatever

Joe Camporeale-USA TODAY Sports

Aw crap, you guys. Last week I said I'd recap yesterday's game and ended up totally forgetting about it. I fell asleep during the game and when I woke up I headed over to a friend's house and did some porch drankin'. Several cups of boxed wine in, a three-way broke out. Your intrepid homie did not participate, seeing as how he's ladied up. That, and like Jerry Seinfeld, I don't think I'm cut out for the orgy lifestyle. I mean, I don't have enough disposable income to be buying a bunch of robes and lotions.

Anyway, baseball. From everything I'm seeing, it looks like the Padres won 5-0. Tight. Starting pitcher Andrew Cashner was some pun about currency. Did you know he still hasn't given up a run yet this spring? That's p f cool like P.F. Flyers. He stretched out to four innings this outing, and four other dudes mimicked him by shutting down the Rockies for the other five innings. Joe Wieland gave up three hits in two innings, and Jesse Hahn surrendered one in his frame; Rule 5 pick Patrick Schuster and longtime Cleveland reliever Tony Sipp closed the deal out with perfect innings.

As far as offense goes, everyone got involved, but not too much. The eleven Padres hits were notched by eleven different guys, so that was nice and Marxist. Brand-new do-all Alex Castellanos made an impression with a double, as did fringe catcher Rene Rivera, Cashner's birthday buddy Kyle Blanks, and a pair of future Chihuahuas. Those two were Rymer Liriano and Reymond Fuentes, if you must know. Gloveman extraordinaire Ryan Jackson outdid 'em all by going yard, so that'll be nice to remember him by.

They play the A's today, so watch that. I'll try to stay awake through it.