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The All-Padres All-Christmas roster

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Christopher Hanewinckel-USA TODAY Sports

Oh, hey, it's December. That means a lot of things to a lot of people, but to me it mostly just means not being able to go 30 seconds without hearing a song with bells in it or seeing a themed list. Since I have no musical (or any other discernible) talent, my seasonal contributions are limited to the latter. Hence this.

I went through the list of all 887 guys who have played for the Padres, and plucked out all the names that are even remotely Christmasy. I thought it would be a list of Chrises with a handful of other dudes sprinkled in, but the ratio shifted the other way. Here are all the Padres with even slightly seasonal names, broken into categories:

White Christmas

Henry Blanco
Wade LeBlanc
Rondell White
Matt Whiteside
Wally Whitehurst

Foodstuffs

Aaron Cunningham
Atlee Hammaker
Erik Hamren
Justin Hampson
Goose Gossage
Adam Eaton
Johnny Grubb
Candy Sierra
Rick Sweet
Glenn Dishman

Reppin' the colors

Gary Green
Khalil Greene
Tim Redding

Christmas bells

Derek Bell
Heath Bell
Mark Bellhorn (bonus instrument!)
Brian Boehringer

Decorations

Mike Ivie
Jon Garland
(and you'll need one or two of these if you want boughs of holly in your halls)
Jaff Decker
Marty Decker

Presents

Milton Bradley
Dave Cash
Rob Bowen
Brad Boxberger
Randy Byers

Saints

Nick Hundley
Nick Vincent

Uncategorized

Angel Bravo
- tree-topper

Storm Davis
- like, a snowstorm

Rob Deer
- the rein- variety, of course

Leon Everitt
- "Leon" is "Noel" backward. Thanks, Ellen Raskin.

Irving Falu
- because of Washington Irving

Wiki Gonzalez
- because I used Wikipedia to double-check that Washington Irving is who I was thinking of

Jesus Guzman
- shares a name with the marquee newborn

Drew Carpenter
- because of the occupation the baby took when he grew up

Dirk Hayhurst
Ray Hayward
- manger padding

Gaylord Perry
- don we now our Gaylord Perry

Iffy ones

Jerry Manuel
- Jerr-Emmanuel

Al Santorini
- the closest name to 'Santa'

Dick Sharon
- sharin' is carin'

Mark Wasinger
- wassailing/singer

Pete LaForest
- where you get la tree

Jason Bartlett
- partridge in a pear tree

Rick Wise
- just need two more wise men...

Actually, that gives me another, better idea.

Three wise men

Chris Young
Craig Breslow
Ross Ohlendorf

Lastly, the Chrises

Chris Brown
Chris Burke
Chris Cannizzaro
Chris Denorfia
Chris Gomez
Chris Gwynn
Chris Hammond
Chris James
Chris Jones
Chris Krug
Chris Nelson
Chris Oxspring
Chris Robinson
Chris Stewart
Chris Welsh
Chris Young