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An Adventure In Haiku

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First mail at new place
You know it's some baseball cards
Yep, and they're from Sam
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Oh, cool, check it out
Four Pads from the Update set
How's that for a start?
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Million dollar arm
Thirty-seven cents of brain
That was a bit harsh

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Seems like a nice dude
A heck of a pitcher too
You should follow him

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Oh, great, it's this guy
Our big offseason signing
At least to this point

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He didn't do much
Parts of two seasons then gone
Give this man a job

Seven other cards
I'll write haikus for those too
Here we go again

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Playing baseball drunk
Smoking meth now and again
Yep, that's Mike Cameron

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Was good; glad he's gone
We got Alexi for him
That throwback's dope, though

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Who the fcuk is he?
You know the answer to that
Saved a fake no-no

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We got him for Kouz
Was traded for Cory Burns
Smooth like chocolate milk

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Studwick or Dudwick?
He was judged each time at bat
Left and blamed Petco

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America's cool
But that jersey looks like ass
Friggin' overkill

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Oh, shit, that card's gold
I have the regular one
Hey, it's numbered too

Dear Gaslamp Ballers
Thanks for reading this. Love, Joe
P.S.: jodes says "Hi!"