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Athletics beat Padres like a billion to two

Collin Cowgill casually trots in for yet another of the A's billion runs as Nick Hundley plays hackey sack with the baseball. Nick Hundley thus far this season has forgotten how to play baseball.
Collin Cowgill casually trots in for yet another of the A's billion runs as Nick Hundley plays hackey sack with the baseball. Nick Hundley thus far this season has forgotten how to play baseball.


Final - 6.15.2012 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 R H E
San Diego Padres 1 1 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 2 5 2
Oakland Athletics 5 0 0 2 0 2 0 1 X 10 11 0
WP: Travis Blackley (1 - 2)
SV: Evan Scribner (1)
LP: Anthony Bass (2 - 7)

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In the end, though the Padres were high on life, having completed their first sweep of the Worst Season Ever, the Oakland Athletics, with their mythical Moneyball ways defeated the Padres handily.

"We had no idea what hit us," said one unnamed Padre. "We never think about stuff like getting on base, and to face a team whose primary focus is to get on base, that's crazy."

"I heard that their GM doesn't even watch the games," said an unnamed Padres coach. "It's like he practices his Moneyball voodoo from the shadows of his mathematics teepee."

Indeed, the Padres, whose primary goals of the season were to get injured in as many ways possible and to fall asleep every night crying in the corners of hotel lobbies, were simply outmatched when faced with a team that had dedicated themselves to actually trying to win a baseball game.

"Those guys up in Seattle, they care even less about winning than we do," said our Padres source. "So even though we physically sh_t ourselves and drink Gatorade barrels full of our own urine, we still managed a sweep. The Oakland Athletics though. They're going to the World Series."