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Happiness Project May: Do things in the name of fanhood that make no sense

You'll notice that I started the season with sets of resolutions that focus on not thinking too hard about the inner workings of the game and instead, just focus on being a fan. This is intended.

See, the optimist in me always thinks we have a shot at the post season. The realist in me knew that this team probably wasn't going to be very good. As soon as the injuries set in on day 1, what looks like nicely stacked depth in Jesus Guzman, Kyle Blanks and Chris Denorfia, soon turns into some middling starters, a lost Ogre season and Andy Parrino (who I love). What looked like a semi-decent rotation, soon turned into amateur night. Albeit a really good amateur night. Like Second City type amateurs. But amateur night nonetheless.

Some of you are saying, "Hey! I'm a realist too! That's why I show up after every loss to tell you how much this team sucks! That's why I don't have any faith!"

To those of you who do this, I have news. You sir, are a pessimist. A realist knows that things are what they are despite any independent observation. The Padres will be the Padres regardless of how much and how often you proclaim that they suck. Your constant whining and observations of evidence that they suck do not help (nor hurt) the Padres any more than good natured rooting and optimism.

All your pessimism does is make people not like you.

People like optimists. The only people who don't like optimists are pessimists, which is just fine by happy people, because we don't particularly like being surrounded by unhappy people.

Except for me. Because I also get a kick of out arguing, which is a weakness of mine. So everybody's welcome.

Onto this month... You know what else happy people like? Things that are nonsensical. Kinda like supporting a team with no positive outlook for the near future, but I mean beyond that.

Here are the things I'm proposing and I think it'll take some doing for me to do May properly...

  • Attend a game in costume or with a painted face or with a big ass cardboard sign
  • Implement a superstition:
    • Crossing yourself with fountain water when you walk into the ballpark
    • Wear a cup to every game you attend and knock on it when there’s any sort of collision or misplayed ball
    • Make a ridiculous deals with yourself ("if I can eat 11 wings, the Padres will win", "if I let my friend pee on me, the Padres will get a home run in the next half inning")
    • Identify a lucky ??? to bring/use/wear/do for each game
  • Grow a May beard

The May Beard tradition incidentally was started by matthewverygood, who I think just wanted an excuse to frame that perfect smile of his for the ladies. What crazy thing do you think you're gonna do? I personally think the cup check tradition would be fun.

To be totally clear. If you're completely sick of the Padres right now, this particular resolution doesn't say that you have to root for them (Senor_Lumpy). It just says that you should do ridiculous things in the name of fanhood. So if you want to go to a game and show your displeasure by wearing a paper bag over your head (TheRevRun), then that's totally within the bounds of this resolution. If you want to make a drinking game out of Padres errors and you really want to kill that bottle, then that's within the bounds of this resolution.

This is also trying to make people happy that really dislike the Padres right now.