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Game Recaps, April 9

I lapsed on the weekend... Why are there so many baseball games?

Red Sox 12, Tigers 13
I thought our games were high scoring this weekend. This game lasted 4:45 minutes and was won with a Miguel Cabrera walkoff in the 11th inning. That's only 2 more innings than usual and they flirted with the 5 hour mark. American League baseball is a better value, I guess. Adrian Gonzalez hit a home run in this one. Boston got swept.

Phillies 4, Pirates 5
The Phillies went up 4-1 and then, like a confident rabbit wearing a Victorian Era suit, they napped under a tree. That was enough time for Hit Collector Matt Hague to tie the sh_t up and later, Andrew McCutchen to deliver a walk-off. That's why you don't wear Victorian Era suits. Also, how does a guy on the Pirates get a nickname like the Hit Collector!? That's a real f_cking good nickname. Why doesn't Bud Black give our guys nicknames like that? Just another reason you can't trust Buddy Black.

Rockies 2, Astros 3
Juan Nicasio started this game for the Rockies. He was the guy that got his neck broken when a batted ball hit him in the face last season. If I were a pitcher and I took a ball right to my face that broke my neck, I'm pretty sure my comeback would involve a screen in front of the mound. Actually, that would be a good way to revolutionize baseball... Put screens in front of all the fielders that they have to hide behind to start each at bat. I'm gonna think about that one. Rockies manage to drop two against the fearsome Astros in this series.

Jump to see if I manage to make it through the rest of the 63 games played on Sunday...

Marlins 5, Reds 6
Reds went up by 3 and the Marlins battled back to take a 5-4 lead. And then Heath Bell cam in and blew the save. Jed Hoyer was right! Actually, I feel bad for Heath.

Yankees 0, Rays 3
Yankees get swept in this one and start the season 0-3 for the first time since 1998 where nothing of significance happened to their pathetic team.

Royals 7, Angels of Anaheim 3
Arte Moreno must be pissed. "I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A KANSAS IS." That's not an actual quote. Royals take 2 of 3 from the Angels in this series.

Giants 6, Diamondbacks 7
Buster Posey and the Giants took the Giants up to a pretty big lead in this one and then Giants pitching gave up back-to-back "touchemalls" and the Diamondbacks rallied to eventually win this game. Bruce Bochy got ejected when he argued a call in this one. I think if I were a baseball manager, I'd try to get ejected like every game. After a while, umpires would be so nervous about getting yelled at that all the calls would go my way.

Cardinals 9, Brewers 3
When stuff happens in the midwest.... I sometimes think... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

Twins 1, Orioles 3
Jason Hammel of the O's took a no-hitter into the 8th, but could not take it into the 9th, which is what you need for a no-hitter. Justin Morneau ruined Hammel's no-hitter. Did you know that Sean Burroughs plays for the Twins now? He's the guy that ran funny for the Padres.

Nationals 3, Cubs 4
Cubs avoid getting swept. Jeff Samardzija gets the win in this game. Smardzija has really long pretty hair. Like a girl. Like if we were stuck in a fox-hole together, I could just squint a little bit and see a real pretty girl, with a little tiny chin beard.

White Sox 0, Rangers 5
If Josh Hamilton didn't have ink and his backstory, he'd look like he could be the preppy bad guy in a romantic comedy, right? Like he's juuust chiseled good looking enough to be the would-be groom in Wedding Crashers or something.

Blue Jays 3, Indians 4
Much like every state has a state bird, I propose that every baseball team adopt a Team Bird. If your team is already named after a bird, you're good to go, but everybody else has to pick a bird. Like the Padres would have a little bit of an advantage with the Chicken already, but I'd like to see what everybody else would pick.