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Five reasons the San Diego Padres would/should pick up Dan Haren

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Dan Haren is a free agent. The Padres are buyers. Sounds like a match made in a corn field in Iowa.

Ronald Martinez

Dan Haren to the Padres? Heck yeah says I. Here are the reasons why this makes sense, in no particular order...

Dan Haren follows an age old Padres pitching tradition

That tradition of course being to pick up pitchers after an off year and make the most of them. In Dan Haren's case, a bounce back to pre-2012 means another Cy Young Award Winner in Petco Park (fences be damned). Another season like 2012 in Petco Park means a Cy Young contender.

The New Ownership needs to make a splash

Sure, they don't want to talk about how much money they're going to spend, but if the Padres don't sign at least one quality name during the offseason, they're setting themselves up to continue the PR struggles they've had since Moores decided to get his Will a little Venable, if you know what I mean. Like, things have been bad since the previous owner Chase'd a little Headley, if you catch my drift. So, at a minimum, the Padres need to get a starting pitcher in to create a splash and probably upgrade a position spot or two. The splashy pitcher needs to be an Acey-Duecy type and should ideally be a little bit expensive. Dan Haren is that guy.

Placate the guys sitting on the fence (pun intended)

The Padres are moving the fences in and now there are people freaking out that we're now Coors Lite at sea level so what better way to prove to the vocal minority that nothing has changed than to go after a guy who likes to draw fly balls out of batters? That would've worked really good in Old Petco Park, and by golly, it'll work in Coors Lite too!

Stick it to Jake Peavy and Mat Latos

I've really got nothing left against Jake Peavy nor Mat Latos, but it would be kinda funny to me to get a guy like Dan Haren in here when we were sitting on guys like Jake Peavy and Mat Latos. I would hope that the instigating media people who interview Jake and/or Mat would phrase the questions like, "What do you think of the reasoning that Dan Haren is simply more mature than you... Not as a pitcher... But emotionally?" That'll be good for some Twitter action.

He's spent time in Arizona and is a SoCal native

If there are two things we know about San Diego, we know that true San Diegans are either from here or are Zonies doing a real good job of blending in.

In conclusion... Dan Haren is my new favorite Padres pitcher.