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Open Thread: Best guacamole recipe?

As we continue Mentor's request to help him feed people at Petco Park with various delicious foods, we come to a bullet point that's probably not very controversial... Guacamole.

There's really no arguing this point. If you don't like guacamole, there's no sense in you telling everybody you don't like guacamole, and if you like guacamole, then you know that there is very little in terms of variation to get a good guacamole.

In fact, the only guacamole that I can think of that's unique in a good way is probably La Puerta's guacamole downtown. Otherwise, guacamole is easy:

Cook Time: 5 minutes

  1. Get some slightly overripe avocados
  2. Mash those f_ckers up
  3. Squeeze a bit of lime in there
  4. Add diced tomatoes/onions/garlic/pepper in TRACE amounts. You're not making salsa, bro.
  5. Salt to taste
No you absolutely do NOT add sour cream. Plenty of legit Mexican food places will add sour cream just to make their avocados last longer, but we're talking the best recipe, which leaves sour cream in a tub in the fridge. If you must have sour cream, you may have it, but put it to the side of your guacamole. Contrary to popular belief, you can add a little bit of cheese to your guacamole. I once lost a guacamole contest because I added cheese to switch up my guacamole and got made fun of for it, but those same people claim to love La Puerta's guacamole, which features cheese. So in the end, I was right.

Is there any place that does an especially good guacamole? This is really not hard to do right... like the taco.

I remember a Mexican restaurant in Charlotte that was actually pretty good. We asked for guacamole, nervous that they would bring us a bowl of green queso, and instead, our server walked up with two avocados, mashed those suckers up and added juuuust the right amounts of everything. Seriously Benihana'd us a great bowl of guacamole. Put some warm, salted tortilla chips in front of us and we were in heaven. Oh man... Such good guacamole.

So have at it. Critique my recipe, but know that guacamole is arithmetic. There's no room for guesswork if you're looking to get the right answer.