Some of you may or may not know this about me, but I am actually an expert in regards to social media. You may not realize this from my apathetic blogging habits, or the way I will often use Twitter randomly to troll minor celebrities, or the photos I have of myself on Facebook depicting me in a "You're Getting Paid to Make Me Happy" t-shirt, but it's true. I have written on the subject. Managed teams dedicated to offering social media advice to athletes. Etc.
Just so that's out of the way.
We have been reviewing Orlando Hudson's Twitter account. It could use some help. I will offer that advice for free. We know that not all of the tweets are coming from him (as it's been noted that he's sent out tweets while actually playing baseball). Therefore, he must have a team of people throwing gems out like this:
@scottcolson make sure you up early an go cut his grass Goodnight
@scottcolson the funny thing is he has no clue who you are and it just goes to show you have no life lol man you pathetic.
No no no, Orlando Hudson's Twitter Team. The pathetic one is YOU (when you tweet like that). But you don't have to be pathetic. Just start keeping this stuff in mind.
When you use Orlando Hudson's Verified Twitter Account you are speaking as Orlando Hudson
I have seen O-Dawg's claims that he doesn't have time to use Twitter and yet, from the looks of it, he's very prolific in insulting people on Twitter and talking out of his ass. If you're on Orlando Hudson's Twitter Team, when you say, "Go cut his grass", not only are you insulting the person you're talking to, but you're also making it seem like Orlando Hudson talks in the third person (which he does sometimes, but that's beside the point).
At least keep the illusion up. This will help tweets like this seem more meaningful:
@bigdude57 when turning 2 stay eye level with the ball
Coming from Orlando Hudson, that's some deep advice for an aspiring second baseman. Coming from Orlando Hudson's Twitter Team, it's as good as gibberish.
Orlando Hudson on Twitter should always be Orlando Hudson on Twitter!
Classy not Sassy Avoids Assy
That's a little rhyming phrase I made up. Orlando Hudson's Twitter Team is not classy. And in fact a little bit assy. And that comes from the fact that Orlando Hudson's Twitter team is sassy. This leads me to believe that Orlando Hudson's Twitter Team is his wife. Or maybe a close relative. One who is taking things on Twitter very personally on behalf of Orlando Hudson.
Because of this fact, the Orlando Hudson Twitter Team very likely does not make as much money as Orlando Hudson. Maybe that person has actually cut Orlando Hudson's grass, or washed his dishes at some point. The bitterness is very evident in his tweets that Orlando Hudson's Twitter Team feels a little bit insignificant when it comes to money and skill at baseball. Maybe it's a brother or a member of his entourage.
What's a classy response to a tweet like, "BOOOOOO"? How about, "I don't like losing either. We'll get them next time."
So simple, but I crafted that very strategically. Here's how it breaks down.
1. It avoids the third person.
2. "Either" acknowledges the fact that the jeerer may not be mad at Orlando Hudson, but at losing in general while also confirming the fact that Orlando Hudson is a WINNER.
3. The "we" implies that the jeering Tweeter and Orlando Hudson share the same goal.
4. "Next time" implies that the jeering Tweeter is not some fairweather fan, but actually somebody who will be there watching the next time. An opportunity to convert an unhappy fan to a happy one!
Think hard about what you tweet like I do.
Keep a consistent voice
The other thing to note is that the grammar and writing style of Orlando Hudson's tweets is all over the place. Sometimes it's very carefully punctuated and includes a link to something. This is when Orlando Hudson's agent or manager is tweeting as Orlando Hudson. Sometimes O-Dawg sounds real bitter. This is probably a member of his entourage. Sometimes O-Dawg sounds very very appreciative of fans. This might be his wife or maybe O-Dawg himself.
Recently, in response to a tweet as to who was actually using O-Dawg's twitter account, the Orlando Hudson Twitter Team responded with:
@orangestreak haha lol... You will never know
That's fine. But that just makes people assume that it's Orlando Hudson. And I don't know if he'd appreciate some of the things you've been saying on his behalf lately.
There you go. Free tips from a pro! We'll have O-Dawg tweeting like Shaq in no time!