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The Top Five Most Amazing Padres Links EVAR EVAR!!! (August 16, 2011)

This time it's for real. I was reading stuff online and I was like, "OMG... One after another... The most amazing Padres links I've evar read..." At first, I thought, I will keep this to myself. And then I thought, Wait no... I will share this with the world, eleven visitors a day at a time...

1. Three more high picks sign at deadline - Joe Ross, the 25th pick in this year's draft and right handed pitcher out of Oakland Bishop O'Dowd High, just scored himself a cool $2 million. Second round pick Austin Hedges somehow managed an even cooler $3 million signing bonus. Austin Hedges was supposedly the best catcher evar in this year's draft and now has earned himself the nickname Sonic, as in "the Hedgehog", because his last name has the word "Hedge" in it and he "hogged" a sh_t ton of the Padres cash for playing baseball better than a bunch of high school kids. Also, that much scrilla can buy a bunch of jalapeno toasters. If he turns out to be fast like Sonic, then all the better.

Bonus Link: Mentor congratulates Jed, Jason, Jaron and staff for their good work in the signings and calls out Peach, Ish, Sugar Shana, Warren, me and jbox as not pulling our weight. Next season, jbox and me are gonna sign some dude for like $8M just because:

Great job by Jed, Jason, Jaron and staff evaluating, drafting and signing talent. The base is growing... @SDPadres @gaslampballless than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhone Favorite Retweet Reply


2. UCLA Strikes Out On MLB Signing Deadline Day - If you are a UCLA baseball fan, you will be missing Sonic behind the plate for you this season. If you are a USC/ASU/Cal/etc baseball fan, you will HA-ha.

3. Former Padre Hairston delivers winning RBI - This is exactly why we never should have let Scott Hairston go. If he was still on the Padres, that game winning RBI would be OURS. BELIEVE IT.

4. I don't know how you drink a beer with a hole in the bottom. Need something to plug that hole up that sits low. GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER.

5. 2:41 is my favorite.