It's Halloween, which is great, but Halloween means that tomorrow is November 1st. You can do one of two things. You can try to write a novel. Or you can join the Gaslamp Ball Movember Team.
I'd like it if you joined the Movember Team. Here's what you have to do. Shave your face tonight. Start growing a mustache tomorrow. Don't touch the mustache. Don't let the rest of your facial hair grow.
Any time anybody asks you why you're growing such a hideous mustache, you tell them that 1 in 6 men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer in their lifetimes. Men are 35% more likely to develop prostate cancer than a woman is to be diagnosed with breast cancer. If detected early enough, prostate cancer is 90% curable.
That might be enough, but then send them to your Movember page and the Gaslamp Ball Movember team and ask them to kick in a buck or two bucks or something. And then, if they're a dude, and especially a dude over 40, tell them to get their prostate checked. If you're yo-bro enough with the dude, check the dude's junk yourself. Like just a quick cup check or sniff test might be enough if you know what you're doing. Maybe do a quick gooch grab or grundle grope. If he freaks out, be like, "THEN DONATE $5. IT'S ONLY $5. WTF. DON'T YOU HAVE A DAD."
Females are more than welcome to join the team. I do not expect them to grow a mustache, but the statistics don't lie. 9 out of 10 women know at least one man and most of those men have prostates. You are free to join as well.
In the end, you may get an invite to the Facial Hair Formal or you may just want to charge for mustache rides. EITHER WAY. It's a good cause and something that most dudes don't typically want to talk about, but need to be aware of.
Also, it's the off season. What else are you going to do besides not shave?