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ESPN: Jed Hoyer to the Cubs is a done deal

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Let me say this...

I just got blown... AWAY.

According to ESPNChicago.com, not only is "Boy Wonder" Theo Epstein a done deal to join the Chicago Cubs (who the Padres eliminated from World Series contention in 1984), but also JED HOYER WILL GO.

I'm still kind of in the camp that there's a certain protocol that has to be followed with this sort of stuff and apparently at least one side is not really confirming anything:

Two other sources confirmed ESPNChicago.com's report that San Diego Padres general manager Jed Hoyer will be named Cubs GM a few days after Epstein's news conference. But Padres owner Jeff Moorad emailed ESPNBoston.com's Gordon Edes late Wednesday night that the Cubs had not asked for official permission to interview Hoyer.

So, which is it, people!? Do we have him? Do we not have him?

I've seen the rumors that the ownership group would love to bring Josh Byrnes in because he's a D-Back's guy, which I guess makes as much sense as anything now that the world has turned upside down and demon goats are adopting human babies.

Oh wait. I know. Since the ownership group is so enamored with Arizona, why don't we just hire Kevin Towers? Former San Diegan. Arizona guy. That would make sense too, right?

Me, personally? I still kinda don't think Jed Hoyer would go and I don't want him to go. DON'T GO, JED HOYER. That would be a dick move. Showing up all young faced and handsome just out of college and then cutting and running. Like San Diego's some stepping stone job.

Oh, what's that, Dave Winfield? It is a stepping stone job? Hmmmm... Adrian Gonzalez? What's that you say? You don't blame him? Well, yeah Sandy Alomar, I get it, but still... No. No... I totally understand, Padres Pitching Staff, there are good opportunities. No, Ghost of Jake Peavy's career, I don't even want to hear about Chicago from you, a-hole. Seriously, Paul DePodesta. Don't you pile on. Ah... eff it never mind.

Quick, somebody show Jed Hoyer this video. It worked on Billy Beane. I know. I read Moneyball book.: