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Open Thread: Padres vs Killer Bees

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I always seem to open the Jon Garland starts. There are only so many ways to say how slowly somebody moves.

I don't know much about the guy the Astros are throwing at us, except that, somehow, SBNation's widgets have two of this mofo. WTF is up with that?

Here's Felipe Paulino, the big pitcher guy:


Felipe Paulino

#52 / Pitcher / Houston Astros

6-2

270

R

R

Oct 05, 1983


And here's Felipe Paulino... NINETY POUNDS lighter (and with less facial hair):


Felipe Paulino

#52 / Houston Astros

6-2

180

Oct 05, 1983



I don't know the story behind this or what the shit is going on, but it looks like the Astros are trying to pull some sort of f_ckin' crazy Killer Bees, WWF trick on us. Like, the Astros' original Killer Bees schtick isn't working so now they're stealing the playbook of the original Killer Bees. Bitches!

Be on the f_ckin' lookout for that really heavy dude to pitch the first 4 innings and then all of a suddern, this thinner, younger, vaguely similar looking dude come out in the 5th. If they try to claim that it's the same guy... don't fall for it. I wouldn't be surprised if Carlos Lee "accidentally" bumps into the home plate umpire, knocking the blue out for 10 seconds while they make the switch. I anticipate young, skinny Felipe Paulino to be hiding out under the pitchers mound with some brass knuckles and a steel folding chair.

GO PADRES!!!


Lineup

San Diego Padres @ Houston Astros

05/08/10 4:05 PM PDT

San Diego Padres Houston Astros
Scott Hairston - CF Michael Bourn - CF
David Eckstein - 2B Jeff Keppinger - SS
Adrian Gonzalez - 1B Lance Berkman - 1B
Chase Headley - 3B Carlos Lee - LF
Will Venable - RF Hunter Pence - RF
Yorvit Torrealba - C Pedro Feliz - 3B
Kyle Blanks - LF Kazuo Matsui - 2B
Jerry Hairston Jr. - SS Kevin Cash - C
Jon Garland - P Felipe Paulino - P