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On the Padres Broadcast Booth

"You know why I root for the other teams? <em>It's cause I want to make you unhappy</em>! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
"You know why I root for the other teams? It's cause I want to make you unhappy! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

I know that I can be contrarian, but I also feel like I can be very reasonable. I've been watching this hatred towards Dick Enberg stew and bubble over. I mean, now we're writing letters and emails and what not. Pretty soon people will be bringing tomatoes and stabbing their ears out with churros in their zealous hatred.

I guess you can hate the guy if you want. I'm not losing any sleep over it. But I feel like I have to remind people that you (and I mean the proverbial "you" and not any you in particular and "you" sometimes meaning, "yeah me too") didn't like Mark Neely. If you liked Mark Neely, he wouldn't be doing mid-post-game commentary right now. You didn't like Steve Quis. If you liked Steve Quis, he wouldn't be relegated to Lake Elsinore. You maybe liked Matt Vasgersian, but I'll be honest in saying that I didn't even really see a lot of Matt Vasgersian love until late in his Padres tenure and mostly after he had been committed to Jonny Dub definitely hated Matt Vasgersian for reasons I'll never understand.

So what I'm trying to say is, I don't fully understand the reasons for being so angry at Dick Enberg.

Is it because San Diego has historically had impeccable broadcast crews who always get the plays correct and never make mistakes? (See: "Colemanisms")

Is it because San Diego has historically had broadcast crews who love the team to no end? (See: "And after my Padres led 1-0,the Dodgers now lead your Padres 5-1. OHHHHwhatagame. donavans-steakhouse-for-the-best-steaks-this-side-of-elcajon-unless-you're-at-ruth's-chris")

Is it because San Diego broadcast booths always stay on topic and about the Padres? (See: "Whadiddya do today?" "Oh, I met up with some of my old friends from the Yankees. Let me tell you a story about Yoggi Berra...")

It's obviously not any of those reasons or maybe you've also hated the radio broadcast for the last 30 years and have made similar complaints to no avail.

I'm not going to try to figure it out, but I'll tell you, If it were up to me, I wouldn't want to make the booth completely homer. I'd go the other extreme and make the broadcast booth much more like professional wrestling. WWE in particular.I'd have an announcer who subtly roots for the good guys and an announcer who blatantly roots for the bad guys. To me, this sets up for the most drama and excitement, because it's constantly being pointed out when there's a nearby steel chair that may end up plastered across the first baseman's back. You're constantly on the lookout for when the umpire gets distracted by the other team's bench while their pitch applies some nefarious substance to the ball. There are fun moments of excitement building towards climax when you have the "heel" broadcaster giggling evilly while the "face" broadcaster is screaming, "TURN AROUND, BLUE!!! OH WHAT A TRAVESTY!!!"

And then I'd go even a little bit further and put the Spanish announcer's table someplace up the first base line, within foul territory. Nothing gets a crowd going more than seeing the Spanish announcers have to scramble when the play comes there way. During very very exciting games, you might see the Spanish announcer's table get destroyed in some creative fashion involving a ball in foul territory, an excited rookie and a dimwitted mascot.

Basically, I have no point. But for all of the people demanding that Enberg have chicken feathers thrown at him after being dipped in tar: Just go with it. Who really cares? Start a blog describing all the weird things Enberg says and enjoy it for what it is.