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Opening Day Checklist

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  1. Set DVR to record Padres game on Channel 4.  Even if you are able to escape from work to watch some of the game you're going to want to review the game later and relive the experience.  This will also be Dick Enberg's first time calling a Padres game so you are going to want to pour over his every word.
  2. Wear Padres gear to work to let everybody know that you are a super fan.  A good portion of your co-workers probably have no idea that baseball season is starting.  Your job is to remind them.
  3. Find a way to get out of work before the 2 o'clock start time.  This is going to be tricky because at this point you've already made such a big deal about the Padres to your co-workers that they are going to be watching you like a hawk when 2 o'clock comes around.  You need to start fake coughing and complaining of a headache right now.  If your co-workers catch on you are going to need to do something really drastic at 1pm... poop your pants.  You can't lose.  No co-worker will stop you from leaving now and even if they find out you pooped yourself on purpose they will only respect your fanhood that much more.
  4. Put a trash bag on your car seat and drive to Petco Park immediately.  There will be free parking.
  5. Waddle to the Padres Store, buy Padres sweat pants and change into them in the women's restroom.  Try to flush dirty underwears and pants down the toilet. Find a spot on the grass, relax and watch the game.  You deserve it.