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BREAKING NEWS! REALLY OLD PADRE COMES OUT OF RETIREMENT TO PLAY FOR THE PADRES!

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*** STORY DEVELOPING ***

 

In a slightly believable (if not paying attention), but totally unrealistic turn of events, a really old former Padre has decided to come out of retirement to play for the Padres. He will be manning a position that would not necessarily make sense even if this totally implausible situation were true. Like first base or something.

Manager Jed Hoyer commented on the situation by saying, "Said really old Padre is a mainstay in the community and his presence on the team will be a foundation for our World Series run this year."

Salary figures were not made available, but insiders say that Jeff Moorad, in an equally improbable turn of events, has freed up payroll to offer something in the range of $10 million for the really old Padre to play for one season.

"It had to be done," Moorad said sleepily through his drowsy eyes.

MORE AS IT COMES!!!