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Anthony Keith Gwynn Jr.: On a scale from Zero to Tony Gwynn

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The Zero to Tony Gwynn scale is a rating of a Padres' importance to the San Diego Padres and their fans. The scale works to determine the relative importance of a particular Padre based on the assumption that Tony Gwynn is the perfect representation of the San Diego Padres.

This is a test of how much one is willing to forgive.

Picture this: The Most Beloved Person in the history of your organization has a child. The most beloved person in the history of your organization goes so far as to name this child after himself.

This child then spends his life as a de facto mascot among other members of the organization. He's there at all the functions. Your organization becomes his extended family. The front office literally babysits this kid while the Most Beloved Person goes about his business, making history for your organization.

The child follows in his father's and his uncle's footsteps, carrying on the family tradition for another generation.

And then, lo and behold, the child is placed in front of the Second Most Beloved Person in the history of your organization. He looks at this Second Most Beloved Person, a person who has watched him grow from a baby, and the child takes his hand and he reaches into the chest of the Second Most Beloved Person and he searches around past the blood and guts and sinewy matter. He pushes past the lungs, fluttering around his wrists. He ignores the seeping blood and mucus dripping down his arm. He ignores the gasps of those around him. He finds the heart. He pulls the heart, still beating, from the cavity where it sat. He shows the heart to the Second Most Beloved Person and the child eats the heart. And there's blood and there are women screaming. And men clutch at their chests as if it was their heart that has just had a bite taken out of it and it's really disgusting.

This was your organization's last and best chance at success and the child of the Most Beloved Person in the history of your organization has just eaten the heart of the Second Most Beloved Person in the history of your organization. The eaten heart spells the end of the line for the Second Most Beloved Person in the history of your organization and has closed the window that your organization had open to fortune and glory.

And now the Child is a light hitting outfielder for your organization as it attempts to rebuild from the wreckage that the child has wrought.

Picture all of that... And then vote for Anthony Keith Gwynn Jr. on a scale from zero to Tony Gwynn.

Poll

Where does Anthony Keith Gwynn Jr. rank on a scale from Zero to Tony the Gwynn?

This poll is closed

  • 2%
    Tony the Gwynn
    (7 votes)
  • 1%
    9
    (4 votes)
  • 1%
    8
    (4 votes)
  • 6%
    7
    (21 votes)
  • 8%
    6
    (26 votes)
  • 11%
    5
    (35 votes)
  • 12%
    4
    (40 votes)
  • 13%
    3
    (41 votes)
  • 15%
    2
    (48 votes)
  • 19%
    1
    (60 votes)
  • 7%
    0
    (23 votes)
309 votes total Vote Now