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Padres hiring Mr. Josh Byrnes, Arizona quotient of front office approaching levels of PSYCHO

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#Padres make it official. Former #D-backs GM Byrnes is VP baseball ops. AZ likely still paying bulk of his salary.less than a minute ago via Twitter for iPhone

If anybody from the Padres is reading this, I'm gonna say right now that you should hire me to be a VP of something. And then hire jbox to be my assistant. Here are reasons why:

  1. San Diegans don't hate people from Arizona, but we definitely think people from desert areas are weird.
  2. Therefore, you need more San Diegans in the front office.
  3. JBox and I are San Diegans.
  4. Reason number 2 wasn't really a "reason"
  5. F_cked up this list.

Also, from what I can tell, we've got a lot of baseball operations guys in there and not enough people who can do what jbox and I can do... Magic with our minds.

Also-also, if this team is going to take charge and be San Diego's Team (now that the Chargers are moving to LA), we need to make sure that we keep the Zonies under control. Like, for example, did you know that it's illegal in Arizona to cut down a cactus? What happens when we need a cactus out of the way and Josh Byrnes is all like, "Hey, you can't cut that down!" Who will be the ones to say, "Listen, homey. We ain't in 'zona anymore. Cut that sh_t down." Answer: Me, with jbox assisting.

The moral of the story: It's also illegal for more than 6 girls to live in the same house in Arizona. That's a fact.