The Facial Hair Formal

When Jonny Dub arrived at my place the fire alarm was already going off and people were evacuating. By the time we walked down to the parking garage it was full of smoke and firemen. We couldn't see much but asked another observer about the source of the smoke. It wasn't a car fire as we had surmised, but a dumpster fire. My guess is that someone emptied the ash from their fireplace into the dumpster without letting it properly cool. Speaking of properly cool...

As the smoke began to clear the other observer got a better look at us. Jon was dressed in a dark sport coat, loafers, white t-shirt and a Boston Red Sox hat. I was clad in a light tan corduroy sport coat with elbow pads and a thick 70's tie. We both were clean shaven except for our upper lips. Jon volunteered the reason for our strange dress, "We're going to a mustache party."

Once in the car and on the road I asked Jon if he really thought that telling the guy that we were headed to a mustache party was necessary. Did he really think that it would leave the observer with a better impression of us? I'd rather he think Jon was a typical East Coast douche bag and I, a pervy looking P.E. coach on the way to an award ceremony than to reveal we were going to a mustache party.

You see, John Weisbarth invited us to attend his first charity event called "The Facial Hair Formal". The event raises money and awareness for cancers that affect men. It's in partnership with Movember. The dress code was simple, let your mustache dictate your outfit. I liked the idea. It seems far too often when men support cancer prevention they are emasculated by wearing pink and ribbons in their hair. Take the Padres for instance, they use pink bats, pink batting gloves, etc. Movember allows men to be masculine and let's be clear, nothing is more manly than growing facial hair.

Jon and I arrived at the Imperial House near Balboa Park and entered to see Big John of Channel 4 Padres. He gave us hearty handshakes where he gripped and then turned his hand over on top of ours to let us know that he was in control and literally... on top of things. He gave us the run down: Put these leather ribbons on our lapels. Take these 10 cards. Enter the party and use the cards to break the ice by giving them to those with the best facial hair.

Inside the lounge was San Diego's media elite and a sea of smoking jackets, turtlenecks, blazers and lip whiskers. The ladies wore everything from cocktail dresses to flapper dresses with fringe to 19th century hoop dresses. Many of the lady folk also held mustaches on a stick to their lip.

We hobnobbed with everyone from old dear friends like Ed Barnes, John Weisbarth, Jenny Cavnar and Pad Squad Loxie to new friends like Mark Grant, Ernie Martinez, Emily from the DSC show, Pad Squad Erin and the Lovely Lorien from Channel 4. The times we had! Oh how we laughed!

Mark Grant preached the benefits of reasonably priced but good quality seersucker suits in hot climates. We interrupted him and asked him if he keeps in contact with Matt Vasgersian, to which he responded with a jubilant "Yes!" We followed up by asking if Vasgersian ever mentions or asks about us, to which we received a deadpan "No."

John Weisbarth, ever the gracious host, would continually sing our praises to all who would listen... Pad Squad Loxie. "They're eff'n hilarious!" he'd proclaim. We had to remind him that while we were flattered, it was quite embarrassing for him to gush over us so, especially in mixed company.

As the event neared it's ending. Jon, Ed and I combined all of our cards and gave them to the Lovely Lorien which skyrocketed her to 2nd place in the Miss Mustache competition.

After the award ceremony we said our goodbyes and promised never to forget each other or the night. At the exit we again exchanged handshakes with Channel 4's Big John who told us to let him know if we ever need anything. I had to bite my tongue, so as not to ask for a lock of Bob Scanlan's hair, it'll mean more to me if I can steal it on my own.

In the end, it was a great event that raised money for a great cause.

Quoth Weisbarth:

The group that we had on Saturday night was awesome. Everybody got it! There were great costumes, fantastic mustaches and the perfect attitude for our event. I had so much fun and I owe that to everyone who showed up on Saturday. Thank you guys, it really, truly meant the world to me.