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Kevin Kouzmanoff is 82.3% attractive

Is Kevin Kouzmanoff Attractive?  You bet your sweet ass!
Is Kevin Kouzmanoff Attractive? You bet your sweet ass!

I was trying to think up some ideas to spice up the Padres FanFest on February 13th to make more fans want to attend.

Here's my idea, take the most popular and attractive Padre, Kevin Kouzmanoff, and stick him in a kissing booth.

Kouz_mediumPut the booth at home plate and charge $20 for a make out sesh with the Kouz. Don't tell me he wouldn't be up for it, he's all about mashing mouths with random chicks for charity. I bet if you found the right price point, subtracted the expense of lip balm and left Kouz out in the booth long enough the Pads could afford a $60 million payroll next season.

Now the only question is, is Kouz attractive enough? Let's ask our friend Science!

Last year I found a website to measure Brian Giles' attractiveness. Boy, did it ever.

Now we simply plug in this picture of Kouzmanoff and let the computations compute. I've never understood how our goofy looking third basemen cast such a powerful spell on the ladies in San Diego but Kevin Kouzmanoff has done it and Science agrees. He's 82.3% attractive!


I'm not sure how accurate the personality part of the results are. Brian Giles' personality was a perfect match, this one, not so much.

  • This man can become a leader in business or politics. He is a sociable and communicative man.
  • He is an extraordinarily creative man who may realize his artistic potential in writing, art, painting, sculpture, photography, cinema, design or inventions.
  • He is not asking for much - he merely expects himself to be perfect and wants his family members or coworkers to be perfect also. But he doesn't always completely appreciate other people, no matter how hard they work or what excellent results they may produce. It can be tough to please this man.
  • This man knows exactly how to organize a project or an event to make it come together more smoothly.
  • This man is a tough customer. He needs to feel total satisfaction with his what he buys; otherwise he is out the door.
  • Be warned: this man can consider presents unnecessary and not worth buying. (In this sense, he is well-equipped for an impending recession - but may, in the meantime, really offend his significant other.)
  • This sensitive man may take criticism to heart. He takes things personally and can spend a lot of time suffering from this.
  • He tries to find positive moments in even the worst situation.
  • This man has a strong sense of individuality, and enjoys being seen as unique and his own person.
  • The man hates it when other people tell him what to do. He dislikes any pressure, and the more he is pushed on the outside, the more stubborn he becomes inside.
  • This man is physically active and energetic, always on the move. His stamina is endless.
  • He can experience fear in the face of new circumstances, situations or people.
  • No, he is not into the Container Store. He'd rather not store old things because they clutter up his comfort zone.