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An open letter from Dave Winfield on the importance of not getting trashed at prom

Listen kids.

I know that you think it's "cool" to get "smashed" with your friends at "prom" or "graduation". That's why I'm sending you this message. Don't do it!

The only good thing that's ever come out of using lots of "dope" and drinking lots of the "booze" is an artificially inflated self-esteem and the increased possibility of casual sex, which you may enjoy, but you also may regret. Is that what you want your life to be? Answer me!

Your friend,

Dave Winfield