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Tony the Gwynn coaching Adrian Gonzalez. Says the Gwynn, "You've got to slap at the ball."

Tony the Gwynn has been helping Adrian Gonzalez with his swing. What follows is a dramatization in one act.

The Gwynn: Here's what works... You've got to slap at the ball.

A-Go: I dunno, Mr. Gwynn. That's not really my thing.

The Gwynn: You've got to punch at the ball and you've got to judy the ball. You've got to punch and judy.

A-Go: I'm not even really sure that I know what that means.

The Gwynn: Take your hands like this and when you hit the ball, get it into this little 6 inch by 6 inch area, just to the right of the shortstop. The ball should skip about 2 inches above the shortstop's knees.

A-Go: His right or my right?

The Gwynn: His right.

A-Go: I don't know that I could consistently do that.

The Gwynn: [confused] You can't do that consistently? I don't get how you're ever going to be successful at this. Maybe we should work on your diet. I've been eating Wheaties. Have you heard of Wheaties?

A-Go: Ummm... Listen, I think I'm just gonna go talk to Wally.

The Gwynn: How many batting titles does Wally Joyner have? How many Hall of Fames is Wally Joyner in?

A-Go: Not as many as you, sir.

The Gwynn: Damn straight. Now let me pitch some Wiffle balls at you...

End Scene