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An Open Letter from Gaslamp Ball

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Dear San Diego Padres Players,

Shut the hell up. You don't know what you're talking about. I don't care if this open letter screws Gaslamp Ball out of any chance of player interviews for the rest of time, but seriously... Kevin Towers and the rest of the front office is not here to make sure that you have a supply of hunting buddies, or drinking buddies, or dancing buddies, or whatever the hell you think you need beyond having teammates who can actually play baseball.

This team is pathetic and I'd forgive it as a slump if you weren't such a bunch of whiny bitches about it. However, since you feel the need to cry and whine like babies in grown man bodies, then you're going to get treated like babies in grown man bodies.

Shut the hell up.

Why, pray tell, am I reading articles like this?

Six days after seeing set-up man Scott Linebrink shipped to Milwaukee, Hoffman tried his best not to second-guess the front office.

"It doesn't really serve a purpose, other than there's chaos in the clubhouse, and that's not a good thing, either,'' Hoffman said.

Additionally, San Diego -- 7-10 since the break -- fired hitting coach Merv Rettenmund and replaced him with former Padres first baseman Wally Joyner.

"Today's kind of caught a lot of people off guard,'' Hoffman said. "There's a bit of scrambling around, not really knowing what happened or why. I think it forces you to just kind of keep your head down and focus on what you can do to improve the club personally.''
Trevor, you're the greatest. You're one of my favorite players of all time. Terrific guy and I understand that you're frustrated, but seriously... This is not what we need to be reading. Why in the world would anybody even consider firing the hitting coach when the team can't hit? I mean, after all... Merv was a great guy. Great guys deserve to be hitting coaches.

WRONG. People who can get players to hit deserve to be hitting coaches. Merv, appreciate the effort, but get your non-teaching-hitting-ass the hell away from this team.

Also, regarding Linebrink... Trevor, I know that when the team looks like it's up for a save situation, you go take a shower in the 8th. I know this because you've said it. What you don't realize is that when you go into the shower, Scott Linebrink gives up the lead. Sure, there have been a couple games where Linebrink gives up the lead and the Padres manage to come back and we're still able to pull out a save, but still... Linebrink blew the lead.

And these weren't 1 run leads in games where the other team was right in it. These were multiple run leads. These were games where the other team was getting beat.

And regarding Cruz. Who cares if he's gone? He was a journeyman that we got one good month out of and now he's done. Good luck in future endeavors. You're welcome to the house at Thanksgiving. You have no business on this team anymore. And for people who are upset that it isn't Sledge gone, I say, seriously who cares? Would it hurt less if Sledge was gone too? Fine. Get rid of him also. I can't believe that we're being critical of the order in which we bail out on suckass players.

I think non-players put way too much stock in a happy clubhouse. I could give a rats ass if that clubhouse is happy. Am I in it? Do I have to hang out with these people? I don't care if they're happy losers. I care if I'm happy and I'm happy if the team is a winner. I'm considerably unhappy to learn that the Padres would rather have their good buddies in grab ass distance as opposed to getting players who will improve on the recent crap display.

In conclusion: The Padres need to quit being so gay for each other and actually play some baseball. Nobody's going to tolerate another July.