Unicorn don't fail us now!
Artist: The Third Giles
Our only hope tonight is that Jake Peavy can get a no decision. We already know that it's impossible for him to ever get his 10th win. He must do anything and everything in his power not to lose.
I'm starting to feel a bit negative about this slump. A week ago, people were being so negative here and it was all we could do to keep your belts and shoe laces away from you. Now it seems everyone is dancing around acting all positive. The Padres are in the worst slump of the season and everyone's shooting butterflies out their butts! I wish I could get on the same page as the rest of you.
The season is in a downward spiral and the only possible solution is for the Padres to be collectively hit by radiation and turned into Super Heroes. Seriously that's the only way this team is getting any better.
To top all of that off, we heard a rumor that a Padres infielder is a hermaphrodite! How can you trust anybody to play proper defense with two sets of sexual organs?
GO PADRES! EXPERIENCE IT!