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OUT: Fat Gwynn Articles IN: Fat Cabrera Articles

First thing I did when I saw this article on ESPN was use the find function on my browser to see if they mention Gwynn.  They didn't!  Hooray!

Maybe unfunny sports writers have read Gaslamp Ball.  They really give it to Cabrera though, Sports Writers love giving overweight ballplayers "the business".  They are what some would call "Chubby Chasers".  They talk about how Miguel came into the league at 6'2" 185 lbs., a normal guy by most accounts.  Here let me check his Body Mass Index... 23.8 which falls under the normal category.  This year coming into Spring Training he weighed in at 260 lbs. giving him a BMI of 33.4 which makes him obese.

The thing is that Cabrera continues to produce offensively.  Even ESPN can't help to mention how sexy he looks in his street clothes:

Walking through the Marlins' clubhouse in late June, Cabrera is wearing a white tank top (snug) and a pair of gray sweats (tight).

I just bit my lower lip and let out a "mmmm, girl", when I read that.  I have a good imagination and those words lit the fuse.  Wearing an outfit like that, he's just asking for it.  Oh he knows what he's doin'!

Some people don't find the pleasantly plump ballplayer sexy though.  Those people are anonymous American League GM's (probably Cashman).  

"His weight is a major issue," says an American League GM, contradicting his NL counterpart. "Teams would also be concerned about his weight at the end of a long-term contract. He needs to make some lifestyle changes." If he does, the numbers will take care of themselves.

This GM (probably Cashman) thinks that everybody should be pretty with fade hair cuts like Jeter and A-Rod.  That look may get you more magazine covers, but doesn't get you a bronze plaque in Cooperstown.

Cooperstown is looking for other qualities, is sensitive and likes long walks on the beach.  I'll be Cooperstown's wingman and we'll hit sports bars looking for the thing that makes players attractive.  We'll look for guys that can flat out rake and not worry about the size of their gut.