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A Cheapskate's Guide to a Padres Game

  1. Never pay for parking. Bum a ride from a friend or park about 10 blocks away in free street parking. If you must spend money take the trolley.

  2. Never buy a ticket the day of a game, they throw on extra charges to try and make people buy early. Don't buy your ticket on the internet either, too many service charges. So buy your $5 park in the park ticket early. This $5 dollars should be the only money you spend the entire night. Keep in mind that buying the ticket early is key since they will stop selling park tickets at a certain point to try and force you to buy a more expensive ticket. Not gonna happen! Once you get inside the park either watch the game from the grass, find yourself an open seat or stake out a spot in the standing area.

  3. So you want souvenirs? You've got expensive taste, I hope you plan to marry rich. You've got several options.

    First you can make a homemade t-shirt which is always a smart move.

    Second you can plan ahead and make sure you visit the park on a give away night and get a free replica jersey or something.

    Another smart option is to sign up for the Compadres Club, which is a free club where members include other deadbeats like yourself.

    The good news is that you win prizes practically every other game for the first ten games. If you still haven't found the perfect souvenir, it's time to dig through the trash to find a souvenir cup that someone has thrown out. People are very wasteful, you'd be surprised the kind of loot that you'll be able to find in the trash or underneath seats.

    Now if you still have come up empty handed, it's time to beg the Pad Squad for a foam ball. They love it when you beg them for souvenirs. They may pretend like they are getting annoyed at an adult begging for a child's toy, but in fact, it makes them feel popular.

  4. Let me get this straight, you want to buy a Program? Well forget it. Look at the scoreboard for batting line up and a few quick fun facts. Lookin' is free. If you want to keep score and think you need a Program for a Score Card, well you're wrong again. Keep score on the back of your ticket, or ask for an extra paper plate from a vendor.

  5. Hungry? Yeah I thought you might be. But you forgot to bring your own food. Too bad, you're not getting one of those extravagant hot dogs. Fortunately for you I've come up with a couple of recipes.

    Spicy Tomato Soup

    Ask for a cup of hot water from a vendor that sells coffee. Go to the condiments station and squirt the appropriate amount of ketchup into the hot water. The amount will vary depending on how hungry you are. Use a plastic spoon to mix your tomato soup. Then go to a vendor that sells pizza and ask for extra red pepper packets. Mix red pepper into tomato soup and enjoy.

    Jalapeno Handshakes
    Once again visit the condiment stands and fill your left hand with free jalapenos. Dab a squirt of mustard on each Jalapeno and then lightly sprinkle chopped onions on top. Pop them into your mouth until you are full or violently ill.