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An open letter from Tony Gwynn's Belly to Tony Gwynn

Dear Tony,

We shared some good times, right? You never complained before. I was always there for you, warming you up during cold nights on the road. I was with you through thick and thin. Well, maybe not thin, per se, but definitely through thick and thick. So what happened? Why are we parting ways? And in the biggest insult of them all, you're actually publicly tracking your efforts to get rid of me.

To paraphrase our favorite movie... I complete you.

Remember what you said to me after the 7th batting title? You said, "Nobody beats El Cajon Ford." And that meant a lot to me. Because I knew that you actually meant, "Me and Tony the Gwynn's Belly are best pals for life."

I stuck it out with you all these years and now you're trying to change me. Well, I hate to break it to you, but that's not what relationships are built on. You and me? We were supposed to grow together. Maybe I've been growing more than you've been growing, and I'm mature enough to know when it's not working out. You didn't see me signing on with Frosted Flakes to publicly sponsor us airing our dirty laundry. The Cocoa Puffs people called too.

I'm starting to ramble now, but I hope that you'll think of me sometimes when you see a Lil Debbies, but reach for the rice cakes. I'll think of you too. I've decided to take a vacation with Tony Gwynn's Butt and Tony Gwynn's Thighs. We're thinking Antigua.

It'll always be you and me, pal. You and me.


(Thanks to FanHouse)