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How to get Ichiro to San Diego

OK... So everybody here has a crush on Ichiro. Several of you have expressed that you would do anything to get Ichiro here. Well, let's define some action steps. What do we have to do to make your lady and man crush dreams come true?

Here's what I think. I think we need to identify action items and get people started on them like f_ckin' yesterday.

Action Item: Give Tony the Gwynn a call. Get him involved. We know Gwynn's a fan of Ichiro and what with him going into the HoF this year, it's providing perfect opportunities:

"We put so much emphasis on guys hitting home runs and throwing 96-98 mph," he added. "There's a place in the game for guys like me, and guys like Juan Pierre and Ichiro [Suzuki].

"I'm getting the ultimate compliment now, and I can raise the flag a little for the little guy, the contact guy. If I can be a punch-and-Judy spokesman, I'm more than willing to do that."
That's almost a perfect quote. The only way it might have been better would be if he said, "There's a place for guys like me, and guys like Ichiro-san and Juan Pierre-chan, and now that I think about it, Juan Pierre-chan is a chump compared to Ichiro-san of whom I hold in the highest regard and wish many blessings upon." Tony Gwynn is a great spokesperson for why Ichiro should come to San Diego and should be used as such. What will it take to get the Gwynn involved? I don't know. Maybe another car. Somebody give Tony another car.

Action Item: Be prepared to open up the purse strings. Here's a sports business secret... Owners of sports teams see baseball as a business. And in business... wait for it... more winning does not equal more money. The only thing that equals more money is more money. That's not to say that teams and coaches and GMs don't try to win. It's just that they're trying to win if it makes more money.

What does that mean to our chances of getting Ichiro? We need to convince John Moores that we're going to give him more money if he's able to get Ichiro Suzuki to San Diego. I'll be honest with you. As much of a Padres fan as I am, I've never thought to pay full price for a jersey. One: They're really expensive. Two: As a thrifty slave to fashion, they're just going to be changing the colors in a year anyways. Why pay for something that will be considered "retro" next week? That being said, if the Padres get Ichiro Suzuki, then I will buy at least $250 worth of Ichiro branded Padres gear. I will also agree to eat at least two more hot dogs and drink one more beer/soda than I normally would for every game that he's in that I'm in attendance at.

We need to get that letter written and get people pledging that. That's the kind of thing business people need to see. They need to see cash. And as fans, we're on the hook to get it for them.

Action Item: Schmooze Ichiro. This one's simple. When Seattle comes to town, we need to cheer Ichiro as if he's already on the team. The right field stands need to show some love. I'm not saying root for us to lose, but show him the same respect that we've shown others who've left the Padres. Politeness. Respect. Hold up signs that say "San Diego Hearts Ichiro" and "Ichiro is my baby daddy" and "The sushi is better in San Diego".

That's all I got. What else has to happen? Let's figure it out and make it so. What are you willing to do to experience Ichiro?