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Baseball tips from Ryno: "How to slide into third base"

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Have you guys seen this? Someone sent this to me. I think it's real.

Hi, it's me Ryan Klesko. When you haven't hit a triple since the previous administration, much less made any sort of base running play that would require much beyond a slow trot, you might think that you'd forget how things are done... Like sliding into third base. I'm here to tell you that it's not true. I can still slide into third base. It's as easy as riding a bike, or getting your tips frosted.
First off, spot your third base coach and as he's desperately telling you to get down, you have to start getting down. I don't wear a cup cause I like to let Li'l Ryan and the Kleskos breath free while I'm playing, so a headfirst slide needs to be approached with care. Make sure that you get your hands and knees down first. The last thing you want hitting the ground is your peen. Right about the time that you decide you're gonna slide, start making a noise like, "Nnnnnnnnggggggg..." We'll be finishing the noise in step two.
If you'd done it right, gravity should take over and the gravitational pulling of third base will get ahold of you. You don't want to get your shoes any more dirty than need be so be sure to stick those things up high. Also, chances are, you've had a facial recently and had blackheads removed and the last thing you want is a faceful of dirt. Keep your face up and away from the ground. Shake your head a little bit and your helmet should come flying off, revealing your pelo. That last bit's for the ladies. Once you're safely positioned on the bag, it's ok to give third base a little grind before you get up as a reward to yourself. At this point, finish the noise you started in step 1: "Nnngg-YEH!"
And there you have it! Be sure to watch Gaslamp Ball for more Tips from Ryno! Till next time... Keep on, keepin' on!