While driving, I found myself wondering who I might be friends with if I was on the Padres. I didn't need long to think about it. I can see myself putting gel in my hair with Geoffrey Blum and reading children's books with Josh Bard. We'd get along in splendid fashion.
Guys I'd try to keep my distance from in the club house would be Chris Young, because I have nightmares about clinical giants. I'm pretty sure I'd try not to draw any attention to myself when Brian Giles was around because of the old "Padres Hug", i.e. being hugged by naked Giles. He would probably also try to give you a wet willy, pink belly or indian burn if he got the chance. I've known guys like him before, guys that seem like they are fun loving yet tender and then without the least bit of notice they will twist your nipple really hard for no real reason. Maybe if I could just keep Chris Young between me and Giles I'd be fine. I don't see Giles pulling any of that stuff with no clinical giant.
Then I wondered if I was a fan of another team who would really get on my nerves when this "other team" played the Padres. I think it would have to be Peavy. He's very cocksure. He'd also likely be the reason that my team was losing.
When do games start? I'm losing my mind.