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The Padres and the Dodgers are no longer constrained by your "laws"

The Padres and Dodgers have taken their rivalry to the next level. Like Jean-Claude Van Damme in Bloodsport, Bruce Lee in Enter the Dragon and the Broken Lizard dudes in Beerfest, the Padres and the Dodgers are taking their war underground and into a foreign, lawless land so that they can finally just beat each other the f_ck up like they've wanted to for centuries. Yes, centuries.

We're playing the game in China, bitches.

No longer will these two teams be constrained by your "laws" and your "rules" and your "freedom". In China, anything goes. Why do you think they're calling it an "exhibition"? Just cause the word sounds nice? No! It's because this will unofficially become the most brutal two baseball games ever played in the world.

Do you people even know what communism is? They eat mammals there that "Americans" might normally consider "pets". That's what communism is. They don't just drink beer. They take the empty bottles and break them over their heads before literally eating the broken glass as a snack. They don't celebrate Christmas or Hanukkah because they literally ate the holidays once upon a time. I'm not exaggerating.

Now, take your newfound knowledge and apply that to baseball. Think about what a communist umpire will do. You thought it was bad that an umpire called Milton Bradley a "piece of shit"? Well, a communist umpire won't even bother with the translation. A communist umpire will literally take a shit on you if you argue balls and strikes. The rules are all f_cked up too. Since you have to share everything, whenever a batter gets on base, the other team gets to put a batter on the same base. Because nothing you earn is yours! You have to share it!

Nothing good can come of this.