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How to streak a Padres game

By Dex

*** NOTE: GASLAMP BALL DOES NOT CONDONE STREAKING THOUGH WE WILL LAUGH AND CHEER ALONG WITH EVERYBODY ELSE WHEN IT HAPPENS. ***

There was a rather lengthy delay at the Padres game as a couple of streakers rushed the field last night. On of them was caught pretty quickly, while the other managed to get his t-shirt off. Didn't drop trou though, which is a shame.

My new camera phone caught some of the action. I don't know how to use it very well yet, so while I thought I was recording 3 full minutes of hilarious antics, this is actually what I got...



Did you see the little pink dot rush across the field while the people cheered? Yeah... Neither did I. Dumb mini-video phone camera...

Anyways... If you have any aspirations to be a streaker, here's how their plan went down. It was actually pretty impressive considering that the Giants were in town and they had extra ushers, extra Elite security and police at the game. For the guys to even get out there was a task. The guy who managed to stay out there deserves his credit though. You can't teach that kind of half-naked speed.

How to streak a Padres game

  1. Gather a group of cohorts. This particular group all worked together. Their boss was there. I guess when your boss says it's OK to streak a field, then rules be damned... You're streakin' the effin' field.

  3. Go buy some ping-pong balls.

  5. Get into the game and into a section where you have a clear line of sight of an access point to the field and an easy way to throw ping-pong balls onto the field.

  7. Mentally prepare yourself... I suggest deep breaths. Maybe a quick prayer to the deity of your choice. St. Vitus is the patron saint of comedians. Say a prayer to him. He's also the patron saint of oversleeping and his animal representation is a cock. You tell me what that means.

  9. Have your accomplice throw the ping-pong balls onto the field and then laugh heartily.

  11. Wait three seconds for security to rush your accomplice.

  13. While security is distracted with your ping-pong accomplice, rush the field at the predesignated entry point of your choice. Rushing the field with two of your group ensures a greater chance that at least one of you will be able to get out there and make a complete ass of him or herself.
Once your out on the field, start taking off your clothes while you run around and bask in the cheers. Ideally, you should be an attractive, somewhat petite female with amazing breasts that you're able to free quickly. You should also be fast, so that I can get proper video of you before anybody catches you. Finally, you should take a second or three to run past Section 122, because the zoom on my camera doesn't work so well. Covering your skin in baby oil works well to keep security from getting a grip on you, and will give you a sexy glisten.

If you're a girl, nobody's going to be tackling you very hard.

If you're a dude... Be ready to get steamrolled. The harder you get hit, the louder the mob will cheer.

Last night they were both dudes. They were steamrolled.

What are the penalties for that excitement? An automatic 48 hours in jail. Fine of up to $2500. Last night's guys are gonna hit with the max fine. If you don't realize how much that is, it's almost enough to buy a PlayStation 3. I know, dude. That is nuts. I'm buying a Wii.

*** NOTE: GASLAMP BALL DOES NOT CONDONE STREAKING THOUGH WE WILL LAUGH AND CHEER ALONG WITH EVERYBODY ELSE WHEN IT HAPPENS. ***

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