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Do you like Madonna? What about the WNBA? Well Ozzie Guillen would like a word with you, you homo.

Ozzie Guillen apparently called a dude a "fag" recently, which, for our less refined readers, is something that you probably shouldn't be doing in general. It reminds me of the time this gay guy called me up and asked me out; Apparently thinking I too was one of the gay.

True story. I knew the gay guy that asked me out from the place I used to work at in college, which incidentally wouldn't have been inherently more or less attractive to gay guys as opposed to straight guys. That's just where I knew him. In any case, he got my phone number somehow and called me up and we chatted for a while. I was all of 18 years old. At the time, I didn't realize that he was gay. I think it dawned on me that I had been missing something when he said, "So when are we gonna go out? You and me?" Innocently, I asked, "What. You mean like bowling or something?"

I knew him to be an avid bowler.

Instead, he replied, "No. I mean like on a date." Immediately, I said, "Oh I don't think that's gonna happen. No offense." And he was like, "Don't worry. I wouldn't do anything you wouldn't be comfortable with." And, cleverly, I said, "I'm sorry. I kinda feel uncomfortable just even thinking about the kinds of things that you think that I would think I would be comfortable doing with you."

"Besides bowling," I added.

So anyways. He let the whole thing drop and we never went out on a date or anything.

Back to Ozzie...

Guillen said that in his native Venezuela, that word is not a reference to a person's sexuality, but to his courage. He said he was saying that Mariotti is "not man enough to meet me and talk about [things before writing].''
I don't buy that. Generally, I think gay dudes are probably really brave considering all the jerky bigots in the world who would want to do them bodily harm just based on the gender of people they'd be willing to hold hands with. Those are the gay dudes who are out of the closet of course. The latent homosexuals very well could be quite cowardly, but not without reason.

Guillen tried to explain that he has nothing against gays in general.
[Ozzie claims he has] gay friends, attends WNBA games, went to a Madonna concert and plans to go to the Gay Games in Chicago.
I think there are probably a good number of gay guys who are down with the Material Girl, but I had no idea that they also watched the WNBA. What's the appeal there for gay guys? Why wouldn't gay guys watch the regular NBA? I'm amazingly heterosexual, but even I know that if I were into dudes, the last thing I'd be looking at would be the WNBA. That's just completely backwards in my mind.

This story also gives us a good reason to visit the fine folks at to check and see exactly how Guillen scores on the [John] Rocker scale and how they feel about it. Quoth one reader:
"Ozzie Guillen is a no-class piece of garbage. If 'freedom of speech' can prevent him from being suspended then we should find an alternate form of reprimand. I suggest a motorcycle ride with Ben Roethlisberger."
Meow. I'm just kidding. But seriously, leave poor Ben Roethlisberger out of it. Kinda sucks to be that guy right now too.