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Padres New Years Resolutions

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Bruce Bochy - "I resolve to play players in their proper positions and not rely on my unhealthy obsession with right vs lefty to determine my decisions. Except I hear Doug Mirabelli plays some kinda mean center field."

Brian Giles - "I resolve to make out with that Clay Hensley kid after he wins his first game this season. He's scorned me no longer, the little tart. I also resolve to expose my genitals more."

Mike Cameron - "I resolve not to break my face bones on anything. Cause I've broken my face bones before. And that shit hurts like a bitch."

Ryan Klesko - "I resolve to get my ass down to Boot World and tell them I sent me. And hopefully I'll score another free pair of Uggs, Aussie Dogs and/or Timberland boots which I can wear when duck hunting. I also resolve to speak my mind more."

Khalil Greene - "I resolve to not let Jim attempt any illogical rescue attempts to get me off of the Genesis planet. He'd be much better off if he was just a little more logical. That's assuming he managed to kill the evil Khan. KHAAAAAAAANNN!!!" [editor's note, by Dex] I know that's not what Spock says. Still...

Scott Linebrink - "I resolve to get myself a bigger boat. Cause I get the feeling I'm gonna need a bigger boat."

Jake Peavy - "I resolve to BRING THE HEAT, BOYS! WOOO! I also resolve not to crack my ribs from overenthusiasm. Still, you boys know that it's on, right boys!? WOOOO!!! BRINGIN' THE HEAT!!! It is AHHHWWWN!!!"

Kevin Towers - "I resolve to memorize the names of all these new people who're gonna be wandering around the clubhouse this year. Cause like, that incident last season where I mixed up Dennys Reyes with Chris Hammond for like a week. And nobody corrected me while I'm calling them both the wrong name. That was crazy embarrassing. Also, if that Klesko mentions his stupid boots or the f_cking fences one more time, I resolve to clock him."