clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

How I would market the Padres

New, 3 comments

In our last post we identified the problem. Now, in this post let's constructively come up with a better way to market the Padres.

Our first order of business is to go ahead and ditch the theme song and current batch of commercials. It's troubling to believe that the current theme song somehow won a majority vote, though that's what happens when you leave stuff like that to the masses. Think about the last time you read the UT's or the San Diego Reader's "Best Of" list as voted by San Diegans. The most popular sub sandwich in San Diego ends up being Subway. Year after year. Even though Subway is wack. Popular vote gets you the most wack sub sandwich in San Diego and it also got you the wackest theme song. Let's come up with something better.

Next, the commercials that they're running aren't any good either. In using this humorless generic song, we get this series of commercials where a Padre is shown in the spotlight acting serious while words appear. And the words don't seem to have anything to do with each other. You put then all together and they make no sense. Like for Jake, I'm pretty sure it says something like, "Determination", "Future", "Blazing Fastball", "Padres Ace", "Cy Young Guy", "Someday", "Mobile". It's like a second grade class trying to learn adjectives. It all just kind of glosses over you while this repetitive guitar drones into your head before a group of people all yell, Go Padres!

The Padres need to get edgy. Somebody will have to help me out, but the 1983 motto I believe was "We're the San Diego Padres and we're mad as hell". Only they didn't say "hell". The poster, if I recall, had like Gwynn and Templeton and Garvey and they were all standing there with their arms crossed looking angry and the word hell was being covered up by a guy dressed in a friar suit. Not the swinging friar. Just some bald dude in a monk robe.

Now that's advertising!

Here then is my idea for marketing the Padres. Play up the fact that they're a little bit crazy. Put them in commercials that show off their irreverant side. Come up with a good motto. "Play Downtown" sucks. Here's the new motto:

The San Diego Padres: Those dudes are seriously crazy.

Commercial 1: The Padres are out at the field running drills. Everything looks normal except for the last guy who runs by naked. Turns out it's Brian Giles doing drills naked. Cut to Bochy talking to Magadan. Bochy goes, "Those dudes are seriously crazy."

Comercial 2: Khalil scoops up a ball and turns a double play ending the inning. As they come back to the dugout, somebody hands Khalil a cup of water. As soon as he takes a sip, smoke and sparks start coming out of the ears. The water has shorted his circuits. Apparently, Khalil really is a robot. Cut to the umpires on the field watching. One ump says to the other, "Those dudes are seriously crazy."

Commercial 3: Damian Jackson and Mark Sweeney are in the clubhouse trying on wigs. Klesko, Ramon and Giles are all nodding approvingly at Sweeney's Jennifer Anniston do and DJ's extensions glued to his bald head. Suddenly, Aki runs up with a cell phone and yells, "CORKY'S PEST CONTROL!!!!" Cut to Grant and Vasgersian walking by. Vasgersian says, "Those dudes are seriously crazy."

You start with those three and you build from there. I have more thoughts on this that I'll finish later.