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Don't do the crime if you can't do the time

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Once upon a time, it wasn't a given that first base would be awarded to a batter who was hit by a pitch. If the batter was hit by the pitch and it was out of the strike zone, then it was a painful ball.

Some pitchers kinda felt bad about the whole thing though and would offer up first base to the hit batsman. The box score would credit these bases as "apologies" given by the pitcher.

Later, it was decided that good manners weren't really a good way to be running things and eventually it was decided that being hit by a pitched ball officially gave you first base as long as you made a decent attempt at getting out of the way.

Of course, we don't live in a world where everybody has good manners. We live in a world where there are guys like Canseco and Palmeiro and Gaylord Perry. Colorful people, if you will. People willing to look for a little bit of an edge and who aren't afraid to get that edge from the wrong side of town. People who aren't afraid of taking advantage of good manners. People like Craig Biggio.

For years now, Craig Biggio has taken advantage of a rule that was born because people had good manners. Everybody knows that Biggio likes to get hit by pitches. There's a website that glorifies it. Biggio wears extra baggy clothing, extra body armor and stands on top of home plate intentionally trying to get hit by a pitch.

Well, against the Dodgers, in a rare justice serving moment Biggio was called on it. Biggio purposely took a pitch off of his left elbow armor. Purposely turned his arm towards home plate. Purposely got hit by a pitch. And the umpire, obviously thinking that it was a bit of a rude thing to do, told him that he wouldn't be allowed to take first base.

"But it really hurt," cried Biggio after popping out shortly thereafter. "I mean, he hit me right on my arm pad! I tried desperately to get out of the way! I'm lucky I didn't break a bone!"

Now granted, maybe Biggio did actually try to get out of the way of that one particular pitch, but there's absolutely no denying that getting hit is part of Biggio's bread and butter. Not the jam. It's not cheese on the side. It's the bread and butter. It may be the bread. It may be the butter. But it's definitely the bread and/or the butter.

Maybe Biggio didn't like being told that his bread and butter wasn't going to be tolerated this day because he whined and whined and whined. The umpire then did something that was amazingly satisfying. He threw the cheater out. BOOYAH, SUCKER!

Hey Biggio. You might believe that everybody thinks your little act is cute. And granted, it is closer to a Gaylord Perry than a Jose Canseco. But seriously, when you get called on it, why don't you sack up and take it like a man. Some people might like a cheater, but nobody likes a crybaby.