Today, I realized why the Padres bats are mired in the Funky Suck. Tony Gwynn, Baseball God is shedding his grace on the Twins. I mean, really. Don't they have a baseball god of their own to worship? And why would Tony the Gwynn even help the Twins? Isn't this our darkest hour?
I'm looking behind me and there's only one set of footprints in the sand. I thought it was because Tony Gwynn, Baseball God was carrying us through our times of trouble, but now I see that his footprints have wandered off to Minneapolis and/or St. Paul.
What in the holy hell is going on here?
The Twins fans even have a prayer:
Tony Gywnn's Prayer
Who art most likely at Wendy's,
Anthony be thy name.
Thy 3000th come.
Thy eight titles won,
In Cooperstown as it is in San Diego.
Give us this day no man left in scoring position.
And forgive not Selig for '94,
As we forgive him not for '01.
And lead us not into ass-battery,
But deliver us from sucking.
For thine is the Series,
And the mojo,
And the average,
For ever and ever.
Do we have a prayer? All we have is Leitner. We don't even have Coleman anymore. The Rally Unicorn is dead. The Rally Unicorn's keeper has been shipped to Texas. Even the magic of the Rally Shillelagh has had its magic stripped and thrown into a gutter of commercialized slime.
Something need to be done. We need a miracle like on 34th st...
Update [2005-8-19 11:51:35 by Dex]: A miracle! We've got ourselves a miracle, people. Jbox lit the candle and told me birthday wishes always come true. I blew out the candle, jbox winked at me and whistled like he was hailing a cab.
"Why are you hailing a cab?" I asked.
"Not a cab," jbox said. Then he pointed at the abandoned shed near Gaslamp Ball HQ.
All our troubles are over, boys and girls. Kirby Puckett, Everlasting Boy Fairy is here.
Update [2005-8-19 16:11:11 by jbox]:
Dex showed me yesterday that BatGirl has started writing Haiku. Been there done that!