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Balloon Rally Unicorn: 2005-2005

Balloon Rally Unicorn passed on today. She is survived by me, Jess, Sandi the Balloon Lady and many adopted cousins, aunts and uncles. Balloon Rally Unicorn was 18 days old.

Balloon Rally Unicorn had been hanging out on the bookshelf for a while, and I thought I'd ask what Bru thought of the Padres lately. She wasn't looking too good.

Her tail had lost its pep. Her once full lips were shriveled and her uni-horn lacked the magical life it once had. I was shocked. Indeed, Bru said she wouldn't be long for this world. She had some last requests.

She read a little of her favorite book, The New Bill James Historical Baseball Abstract. She never got to finish it. She got as far as page 479 and said, "So Joe Morgan is the best second baseman ever? Imagine that. Too bad the guy's such a prick."

Bru got on the internet next and looked up Sandi the balloon lady.

Bru smiled at me sadly and said, "If you ever see Sandi again, you tell her to keep on truckin'."

"Will do," I said, fighting back a tear. "Will do."

Bru glanced at the picture of our first game together, but didn't say a word.

Bru wasn't able to type after that. She was fading fast. She asked me to look up some good Padres information. I asked her if she wanted to see Gaslamp Ball.

She shook her head, "Bring up Ducksnorts. I feel I can tell you now that Gaslamp Ball is pretty much fluff. I never did like your stuff and jbox creeps me out."

So I let her read Ducksnorts.

She nodded after reading a few posts and said, "I want to read something funny now."

I asked her if she wanted to read Gaslamp Ball now. She shook her head and said, "Bring me up some Fish Stripes. I can't stand all that crazy Japanese poetry you do."

She chuckled softly a few times while reading Fish Stripes. Under her breath I heard her say, "You'd think it'd be easy to get at least one funny Padres blog around here. I mean, come on." She glanced at me and rolled her eyes. She had me browse a few more blogs and baseball websites, but never visited Gaslamp Ball again.

At last she coughed gently and ruffled her tail. The light was fading from her eyes. She asked me to tuck her in.

She looked at me and started talking to me like I was a dog for some reason. "Who's your pal, Dex? Who's a good Padres fan? Is Dex a good Padres fan? Who's a good Padres fan? You and me, Dex. You and me." Then she asked me to get her some tea. I stepped out and wasn't gone a minute or so, but when I returned, she was gone.

I'll be honest that I didn't really shed a tear considering how rude she was to me in those last few moments. And also, I guess I could always get another balloon artist to make me another Rally Unicorn and like phoenix arisen, the good times will keep on truckin'. Still, my heart is heavy for now.

Please Padres. For the love of pete. Win this next series for the Balloon Rally Unicorn.