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Padre at your back?

Which Padres player or coach would you most want at your back? I mean, like, in a fight. I'm a pacifist by nature and by "nature" I mean "physique", but let's just say I was hanging out at a bar, drinking my free Coke that they give to the designated driver, and somebody tried to start some poop with me. I'd want somebody at my back. And if the person at my back was a San Diego Padre...

I'd want Robert Fick.

Robert Fick has the look of somebody who you don't want standing behind you unless he's a friend of yours or unless he's in a strait jacket with an armed guard nearby. He also has a history of being a mean sonuvagun. After a fight with Mike Sweeney where Sweeney threw his helmet: "He's going to get his, sooner or later. Hopefully sooner." See that quote? I want that guy on my side. Watch him, the next time he comes into the dugout after scoring a run. There's a certain thuggish look going on there. If Fick was playing baseball in 1910, he'd be the guy going into stands and beating up disabled people for heckling him.

The other guy that jumps to mind is Davey Lopes. That's an angry man. And he's wily. Wiles plus stewing anger is a devastating combination in a bar fight. Or so I'd imagine.

The third candidate is "Big Sweat" Dennys Reyes. Did you see him on TV last night after his outing? He has these beady intense eyes. I know he was just staring off into the distance, but if he looked at me that way, the signal would be clear: This big, sweaty guy is about to eff me up and the only thing I'll be able to do about it is make a mess in my underpants. Unlike Fick or Lopes, I'm not sure if Reyes really has a history of anger or getting into many fights, but all he'd have to do is give that hard look. That'd be more than enough.

Those three, in that order. Fick. Lopes. Reyes. My honorable mention would be Brian Giles. If you've read the blog for any amount of time, I'm sure you know that we like to make fun of Brian Giles and how metro he is. There are a couple of reasons why some guys can get away with being real pretty and making self effacing gay jokes without taking a lot of crap. In Giles' case, the reason is that there's a psycho killer underneath that meticulously cared for facade. Seriously.

Unfortunately, I don't have any of those guys at my back. If I did though... You'd best check yourself, holmes.