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How to flirt with a Ball Girl in 4 easy steps

Step One:  Approach Ball Girl and initiate conversation.  

Start by watching her from afar.  Does she have low enough standards to consider you? Probably not, but it may still be worth a shot.  Slowly approach her from behind while she's on the job.  If she's working she can't be rude to you or run away.

Use your body language to signal that you are comfortable and confident.   It is integral to get down to her level before you get down.  Bend over and lean on the wall to show how just comfortable you are.  Eye contact is critical.  Be sure to spread feet in wide stance to get maximum balance.   Don't forget to relax and smile.  There's nothing to be nervous about. Just raise your rump high into the air like a baboon. Say something clever and non-threatening like "You must really like to touch balls!" Then let out a huge belly laugh, that will surely set her at ease.

Step Two: Prepare to fight off your buddy who is trying to c*ck block you.

When she stands, follow her lead, never breaking eye contact.  Take an open stance so you can fight off other interested males while still giving her the appropriate attention.  Once the other males know that they cannot sneak up on you they'll likely surrender the prey. Never take your eyes off of her, staring is an important part in the mating ritual.

Step Three:  Hint at your romantic intentions.

Once all competitors have been scared off, step directly in front of her line of sight and flex your pectoral muscles.  Alternate between left and right if possible.  Sway hips forward and backward ever so slowly. Make sure that the fly on your pleated slacks is open to give her a peek of your goods.

Step Four:  Close the deal.

Ask her if she'd like to sit on a comfortable padded wall.  When she has exposed her back to you she has submitted to your advances. You may now put your arm around her or feel her up.

 

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Agreed
Though any line about balls makes me laugh like a sixth grader...

Two yrs ago, my buddy and I were in Scottsdale and we had the first tee time of the day at Grayhawk one morning.  Kid greets us at the first tee, gives us the regular rundown about pin position, local rules, etc., then says: "And, gentlemen, we did spray the greens this morning, so please make sure not to touch your balls and then lick your fingers."  My buddy looks at him and says "Dude, I NEVER touch my balls and then lick my fingers."  Kid turned a shade of red I'd never seen before and we didn't stop laughing until we made the turn.

by Winfield's Ghost on Jan 3, 2008 2:20 PM PST up reply actions  

You must really like to touch balls
thats a good line.  what about "Hey want dont you come over here and take out my penis and then put your mouth on my penis and then drink my ejaculate?"

by gofriarsgo on Jan 4, 2008 1:54 PM PST up reply actions  

Is that Rick Sutcliffe?
He doesn't have a drink in his hand so I can't be 100% sure.

If it is...I'm guessing his opening line was: "George Clooney! You been reading about all that? You been seeing that?"

by Drama on Jan 3, 2008 1:55 PM PST reply actions  

Convo:
Sut: "Come on, baby. Go out with me."

Ballgirl: "I wouldn't want you to have to take time out of your busy schedule."

Sut: "It's...it's not that busy, man. It's not that busy."

by Drama on Jan 3, 2008 2:27 PM PST up reply actions  

jbox, you have outdone yourself....
(or you have too much time on your hands) I can't stop laughing! :)

by TyBo on Jan 3, 2008 9:03 PM PST reply actions  

Very funny
The wide stance part killed me too.

by thenerdhater on Jan 4, 2008 7:24 AM PST reply actions  

My favorite thing
The black bar over his crotch in the second photo. Now I know why I never was able to successfully hit on a ball girl. I never exposed my penis to her in Step 2.

by Dex on Jan 4, 2008 11:30 AM PST reply actions  

Or...
Is the black bar hiding a massive erection a la Ron Burgundy?

by Dex on Jan 4, 2008 11:31 AM PST up reply actions  

fuggin slud
i love how that ball girl so desperately craves that guy's hard boner.  i mean, we can all relate to that, can't we?

by gofriarsgo on Jan 4, 2008 2:03 PM PST reply actions  

Yes
Yes, we can.

WHAAAAAAAAAT!?

by Dex on Jan 4, 2008 2:06 PM PST up reply actions  

Too Smooooove
You might want to add the caveat to attempt this at the risk of having a restraining order issued.
Matt Holliday never touched the plate and Tim McClelland knows it.

by sqrunt on Jan 9, 2008 12:19 PM PST reply actions  

5 bucks says...
That plumpish man stole the Boner pump that Ben Stiller had in Dodgeball.
Mark Prior is: Nessie, Bigfoot, Sasquatch, a Yeti, a Unicorn and a Chupacabra that lives in Atlantis. He is the biggest Urban Legend on Earth.

by offspeedkills on Jan 11, 2008 10:46 PM PST reply actions  

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