I used to watch Perfect Strangers a ton when I was little. I think the dance of joy might have been my favorite part of the show. My brother and I used to break out the dance of joy after a Padres win, or if we opened up the fridge and there was a new stock of chocolate pudding, or just whenever for the hell of it.

Anyways, I don't know what that has to do with anything, but we went to the game last night and the Padres won and it was awesome. It's too bad we couldn't give away that final ticket. You would've had a great time as we hung out with a contingent of the davidlizerblog posse.

What did we learn from the game?

• Scott "the Shark" Linebrink's nickname and his intro video montage which includes clips from Jaws, all came about because he once caught a shark that had somehow swam up into Town Lake in Austin, Texas. Town Lake isn't really a lake but one in a series of dammed spots along the river that runs through the city.
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• The Pad Squad will come sing happy birthday to you if it's your birthday. We were sitting at the park in the park when four radiantly peppy Pad Squadders floated up the grassy knoll and, like a choir of angels, sang a belated happy birthday song to me, jbox and Maya (one of the davidlizerblog posse).
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• I have no idea if that Shark thing is true.
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• The Shillelagh Girls were at the ballpark waving around their inflatable shillelaghs and showing of their little belly buttons. There must have been a contingent of about eight of them. Once the Shillelagh girls showed up on TV, Arizona of course scored which shows why you can't market karma. Trying to make a buck off of good karma is like trying to put a leash on a hippo.
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• Miguel Olivo and Brian Giles are superheros.
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• Jake Peavy is no slouch either.

More about that Shillelagh Girl thing. I have a theory as to who's buying these shillelaghs, since I don't understand what people are doing with them once they get them.

Let me just say that I'm a relatively easy sell. I'm not a psycho shopper, but a good infomercial for say a nice pasta maker or food dehydrator or set of bass lures will have me working out the budget for one.

I'll also say that I don't mind collecting baseball and especially Padres crap. I sit at home every day and wonder what the hell I thought was so cool about Tony Gwynn Russian nesting dolls and why are they still sitting on top of my TV? Just this weekend, Jess and I got into a discussion as to whether or not we really needed two tickets and holders for Tony Gwynn's last game.

But these shillelaghs... For one thing, they obviously don't work as far as bringing the Padres luck. For another thing, this isn't a small piece of Padres junk we're talking about. This thing would take up some space on a shelf. Years from now, the confusion of a shillelagh owner staring at his or her shillelagh would be 5 times as big as the confusion I have every time I look at the Tony Gwynn Russian nesting dolls.

OK. But my theory. I'm thinking that the guys who are buying these shillelaghs are dudes who see the Shillelagh Girls and think to themselves, "Maybe if I bought one of those rally things from that hot chick, it'll give me a rally right into third base." The other set of men who buy them are buying them for their son in the hopes that the kid doesn't turn out to be gay. Like, "Here, son. Go take $5 bucks over to that hot chick over there and have her..." I won't spell out the joke with inflating a rally stick, but you get the idea.

And the ladies who are buying them are women, young and old, who are thinking the exact same thing, only about Mark Grant. Don't deny it, ladies. You know it's true.

So, I decided that jbox and I should go to the next game, wearing Gaslamp Ball shirts tied up in knots so as to show off our belly buttons and pass out fliers inviting people to hang out at our site. I'm almost convinced that would work.